Category: general

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are you a badger

(Knock at the door)
“Who is it?”
“Is this the place where there’s been a murder?”
“Yes, which murder are you inquiring about?”
“Which murder? How many have there been?
“One.”
“That’s the one.”

Finally, the important questions of the world answered – are YOU a badger? Find out here here. (Incidentally, if anyone has a badger they could test this on, that would be great.

yellow peril

Apologies if this all makes no sense, I’ve been trawling through documents, and running statistics on things that just aren’t worth the effort (but I have to demonstrate they’re not worth it), and my mind is currently curled up in a cupboard in my brain and is rocking backwards and forwards, humming to itself about mice.

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dandelion

dandelion

 

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the gillette 3000 series

The first blade distracts the hair, while the second and third blades sneak up behind it, cutting off any escape routes. The fourth and fifth blades attempt to coax the hair from its hiding place using modern counselling techniques while the sixth blade, posing as a passing motorist, acts as a decoy, allowing the seventh and eighth blades to swoop down and quickly overpower the hair. The ninth blade, disguised as a postman, administers a small dose of chloroform, allowing blades 10 through 13 to remove the hair and escort it away for further questioning. The 14th blade informs the hair of its rights. The 15th blade handles the paperwork and the 16th blade, well, it’s just along for the ride.

A freddo frog to the first person who can tell me where that quote comes from :)

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precious precious treasure

After a day spent chasing the UPS truck around the suburbs, I finally managed to get my parcel of Australian treasure – it’s glorious, just look at it:

australian schwag

(This doesn’t mean that all of you who have promised me food don’t have to send it now! There are some obvious things missing – timtams anyone? … Send more food! I’m starving over here! Starving I tell you! All of the chocolate tastes like cooking chocolate, and has peanut butter in it.)

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the battler’s prince

Koala’s are not nice cute cuddly animals. They are nasty vicious balls of muscle with sharp claws. They only look cute because they’re sitting up gum trees half asleep, because all they ever eat is gum leaves. They look far less cute when they’re fighting with other koalas over ownership of said gum tree (or possibly the female koala next door), and are screaming and screeching and ripping chunks of fur out of each other.

Wombats are slightly cuter – although they are also little more than balls of muscle with fur and sharp claws. They receive slightly less publicity however.

wombats

placid wombat