And so the final day had arrived, and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. The Moosling and I dismantled the camp as Brendan and Alex went and rode Slickrock one more time. Our final FINAL ride was to be at Klondike Bluffs – one the Tout could do as well.
Setting out on the trail together, I was dangerously close to falling asleep, and was torn between disappointment that we hadn’t gone to ride Captain Ahab one more time, and relief that I was riding a trail I could happily ride in a state of semi-consciousnesses.
I woke up a little as Brendan and I split off onto more interesting trails, to create a loop from UFO and EKG, but it wasn’t my finest day of riding.
As Brendan went and returned his bike, we went and got some icecream. Then it was onward to Salt Lake City, where we very fortunately had access to Jeremy’s basement, as it was miserably cold and raining.
At the final breakfast in Salt Lake City it was time for VAFFLES! A breakfast so sweet I thought my brain might actually explode. Then it was farewells (I did consider tying Brendan to the roof of the car and bringing him back to Canmore as a regular riding partner, but the weather really wasn’t looking favourable, and there was absolutely no room inside the car), and so Brendan set off back to the UK, while we commenced our epic drive north.
Despite the occasional showers, it was all going quite well until we crossed the Canadian border around 8pm, at which point the rain started to freeze, and then it was snowing on icy frozen roads. Although we were theoretically only a two hours drive from home, we took the sensible option and stayed in a motel for the night, finishing the drive the next day.
The other side-effect of the night’s weather was the tremendously artistic ice bike decorations.
I’ll leave you now with a few excerpts from the Cop Shop section in the Moab Sun News. Hilarious in their brevity, grammatical errors, turn of phrase, and of course the general oddness of the things that seem to get reported to the police in Moab, the stories were favourites for reading out around the campfire:
Oh dear
An officer was dispatched on the report of an injured deer. While assessing the situation the deer died.
Grown yet juvenile
Two adult men got in a fist fight after one of the men made fun of the other man’s name.
Get off my lawn – and my wood pile.
A 62-year-old Moab woman dropped off a statement to the police department saying a suspicious man went through her property on his way to her neighbor’s house on S. 300 East. She said people leave her neighbor’s house at all hours of the night, “speeding away, driving on the wrong side of the road.†The woman thinks there is something going on and wants to know what. She is also afraid they are planning to burn down her wood pile.
UH, CHECK PLEASE?
Two employees at a Main Street restaurant got into a fight in the kitchen. One woman said the other threw a salad in her face. The other woman, the manager, said the salad accidentally flew out of her hands as she gestured. Either way, the two went at it, throwing punches, pulling hair, calling names, hurling insults.
And black helicopters are following me too
A man came into the police department and claimed he was hypnotized in Mexico and that the LDS church put GPS trackers on his car. He said a bank employee told him he doesn’t deserve to be on social security and that a dentist harassed him five years ago. The officer ran information on the man and found that he had a warrant for his arrest.
Attackable guy
A man said a dog bit him while he was walking down Main Street. Witnesses said the dog allowed other people, including children, to pet it without incident. It was surmised that the dog did not like the man he bit.
Real men wear scarves
Officers were dispatched to a local bar on the report of a fight in progress. The five men in the fight reported the fight began because one of the men was wearing a scarf. He was teased for wearing the scarf. Then there was a brawl that resulted in three tables being broken.
Curiosity
A cat was stuck in a soup can. Before the officer arrived, the person called back and said he got the soup can off the cat.
Insulting
A woman got out of her car and was met by an intoxicated stranger. He yelled obscenities at her and said her home was built by cheap laborers.
Pollo burritos?
Officers received a report of a chicken running on Main Street near a restaurant. Officers could not find the chicken.
Love thy neighbor
A man had rocks in his yard. His neighbor didn’t like the rocks. The neighbor asked the man to move the rocks because the rocks were “disorderly”. When the man went out of town, his neighbor removed the rocks. An officer told the neighbor he shouldn’t go in the man’s yard.
Time for an eye exam?
Two boys were riding bikes on Center Street. A woman saw one boy but not the other, because he was under her car. She felt the right tire run over something. The second bicyclist yelled at her to back up. She got out of the car and saw the boy under her car. The boys injuries were not life threatening.
Distance biked: 22 km
Elevation gain: 373 m
